Autumn in everything

As I walked this morning the wind spoke so many truths to me. I watched the trees bending and giving way to the wind's touch. They relinquished their dead leaves without a fight. I found myself wanting to let go of my dead leaves, too. Turn over a new leaf, I suppose. Too many leaf references? I think not (hey, at least I didn't say anything about the "winds of change"). I remember reading a story in Women's Wear Daily about Nora Ephron after she passed, and something that she said really stuck with me. She said that you could do more than one thing, and that every 10 years she would reinvent herself. She encouraged other women to do the same. I had always rejected the idea of reinvention for myself. While it's appealing to change, and even though I have changed already, I feel like I must outwardly remain the person everyone knows me to be. I think I just need to let go of that and let the wind carry that person away along with the leaves and my trepidation. 

"Aprils have never meant that much to me, autumns seem that season of beginning, spring." -Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's

Some things have already changed and more changes are coming for my family and for the blog. "A change will do you good." Thanks, Sheryl Crow. Something you failed to mention is that a great deal of change all at once is likely to drive you crazy. Even when all of those changes are good things, it can be tough. It just so happens that the changes happening for my family are all positive ones, but we are still trying to adjust. Jeremy started a new position that changed his workweek from five 8-hr days to four 10-hr days, Young Master Gray started going to daycare two days a week in September,  and I am working more on this blogging thing than ever. Stay tuned for a new blog design I have in the works! (I am really excited about this particular change.) Then there's the ongoing remodel that seems to keep our home in a constant state of chaos and upheaval. Of course, these are all favorable changes that I am thankful for, I just need for us all to finally hit our stride so things can run a bit more smoothly.

I originally planned to come on here and write about the fall adventures we've had so far, but I think I'll leave that for another post. Here is a sneak peek:

10 Myths about Domestic Violence

This month’s #NWARKCares cause is a tough one to talk about. It’s tough because in 2015, I feel like domestic violence should be a thing of the past. But it’s not. It’s hard because it’s not something that people want to talk about, which is exactly why the topic needs to be broached. It’s hard because people close to me have been victims of domestic abuse. Three out of four Americans know someone who has been victimized domestically. If we keep silent then those statistics simply will never improve. 

Because many are so reticent to speak out on the subject, there are countless misconceptions about domestic violence that are accepted as truth. These myths about domestic violence only serve to perpetuate the violence.

Myth 1:

Only women are affected by domestic violence.

While it is true that women are targeted more often than men—1 in 3 women compared to 1 in 4 men are victims of domestic violence—abuse against men does happen. If domestic abuse is a hush-hush topic already, then speaking out about abuse against men is almost nonexistent. Unfortunately, this happens in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities.

When I was a young manager for Dillard’s in Dallas, I had an employee that I will call Sam. Sam was a flamboyant, happy-go-lucky, young man. He was openly gay and was in a relationship with a man that I remember as middle-aged and dowdy. When Sam came to work with a black eye one day, I was understandably concerned. I asked him what happened, but didn’t press the issue when he didn’t want to talk. As time went on, Sam began to open up to me about the physical and emotional abuse that he endured at the hands of his partner. At the time, I had never encountered a male victim of abuse, nor had I even imagined that it was possible.

If he had been a woman, I know that I would have suggested any number of resources that are available to female victims of domestic violence. However, I could think of nothing to offer besides my support if he chose to leave his abuser. Sam ended up leaving Dillard’s after an accident put him in the hospital. Whenever I went to visit him at the hospital his partner was always present, acting the doting caregiver. I will never know if he truly suffered an accident or if things escalated with his partner.

You may be surprised to know, as I was, that there are resources for male victims of domestic violence. The Northwest Arkansas Women's shelter states on their website, "Domestic violence does not discriminate; therefore, our clients are from across all demographics in terms of age, gender, race, socioeconomic status, and educational background. We assist any person who meets the criteria for emergency intervention and assistance due to domestic violence or sexual assault."

Myth 2:

Abuse is deserved.

Victims of domestic abuse need support, not judgment. The women and men who are abused usually already have the idea in their head that they deserve to be treated they way they are treated, or that something that they have done has caused the abuse. This simply is not true. The only person responsible for abuse is the abuser.

Myth 3:

Physical battery is the only form of abuse.

Abuse stems from the abuser’s need for power and control. This can manifest itself in many forms of abuse including economic, emotional, sexual and isolation.  

Myth 4:

Domestic violence is a heterosexual issue only.

Homosexual partner abuse is prevalent and occurs at the higher rates than in heterosexual relationships. In this eye-opening article from "The Atlantic," the author quotes a report from the CDC stating that “bisexual women had an overwhelming prevalence of violent partners in their lives: 75 percent had been with a violent partner, as opposed to 46 percent of lesbian women and 43 percent of straight women. For bisexual men, that number was 47 percent. For gay men, it was 40 percent, and 21 percent for straight men.” 

Myth 5:

Domestic violence only affects the poor.

Abuse can happen to anyone. Persons of any economic background, class, culture, age, sexual orientation, and marital status can be victims of domestic abuse or abusers.

Myth 6:

Many reports of sexual assault are false.

The fact is that only 2-4% of sexual assault reports are false, in keeping with the rate of false reports for other felonies.

Myth 7:

If the abuse were really that bad, he or she would just leave.

There are many reasons that a victim of intimate partner violence might stay with the abuser. Often times, the abuser will threaten the victim’s life if they try to leave. Not leaving does not mean that the victim is in a safe situation, or that they are not being abused. Family and social pressure, shame, financial barriers, children and religious beliefs all can factor into a victim staying with their abuser.

Myth 8:

Abuse is rare.

As stated earlier, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been the victim of severe abuse by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Furthermore, the likelihood that someone close to you has been victimized is significant. 3 out of 4 Americans know someone who has been victimized domestically.

Myth 9:

Abuse is the result of alcohol or drugs. 

While it is true the 1/4-1/2 of all abusers have substance abuse issues, the alcohol or drug use is not to blame. Alcohol and drugs cannot cause domestic violence.

Myth 10:

Domestic violence is not a community issue. 

We all have the responsibility to care for one another.

Here in Northwest Arkansas there are many resources for victims of domestic violence. Here are some ways that you can help:

• Ask a local shelter what their current needs are and donate. Peace At Home Family Shelter has a list on their website, you can view it here: http://peaceathomeshelter.org/in-kind-donations/ 
• Volunteer at Peace At Home Family Shelter or Northwest Arkansas Women's Shelter.
• Donate your gently used clothing, furniture and household items to one of the shelter thrift stores. I have a load of items all ready to take to the NWA Women's Shelter Thrift Store.
• Be informed. Know the signs of abuse and speak up.

If you are reading this and you need help or know someone in an abusive relationship, please seek help by calling one of these confidential hotlines: 1-800-775-9011 and 1-877-442-9811. Someone is available to assist you 24 hours a day. 

Bookish

An infographic of "Surprising Book Facts" has popped up in my Facebook newsfeed a few times during this National Literacy Month. Included with statistics showing a decline in literacy among the impoverished, imprisoned, and those over 8 years old, is this gem: "Reading for one hour per day in your chosen field will make you an international expert in 7 years." Of course, the other statistics are incredibly revealing and powerful, but this one really stuck out to me. Reading has so much potential to open doors and expand horizons.

I learned this early on while reading fiction and nonfiction books as a child. Opening a book allowed me to step into other worlds and see things from other perspectives, as well as learn new things about the world I lived within. I read everything I could get my hands on. From flyleaf to flyleaf, no page in a book was left unread. I still try to read as much as I can, but lately the books I read the most are ones with repetitive titles featuring colors and animals, such as "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?" or "Llama Llama Red Pajama."

Yes, that is a copy of "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?" Don't worry, we have 2 more copies.

My efforts to surround my son with as many books as possible, and to encourage a love of reading in him has created a bit of a surplus in his book collection. Now a surplus in books in itself is not a bad thing, but these were mostly duplicates. Earlier this month, I took him to a Little Free Library to donate them.

I got the idea after attending my first meeting of the Northwest Arkansas Bloggers last month. It just so happened that at this meeting the group launched #NWARKCares, an initiative to bring awareness to causes right where we live using our collective voices on our blogs and social media. For the first month, our mission was to shine a light on literacy. I was so excited that I got busy going through all of our books right away and brought them to the Little Free Library of a fellow Northwest Arkansas blogger I met at the meeting. I had learned from her that children's books were what the libraries needed the most. Looking at the date that these particular photos were taken, I see that I did all of this before September 3, and yet I'm just now getting to this post. At least it's still September!

"The Legend of the Bluebonnet" and the only non-children's book we brought, "Dreaming Cows"

Helping to grow Young Master Gray's book collection (and creating some of those duplicates), is our subscription to Dolly Parton's Imagination Library. When someone posted about the Imagination Library in one of my online mom's groups, I thought it was too good to be true. One free book a month from birth up until 5 years of age?! Sign me up! I have heard from several moms that the program is not available in their area, but if it is available in your part of the United States, Canada, United Kingdom or Australia, then I highly recommend signing up. Simply fill out a form on the website to start receiving books about 6-8 weeks later. We have received the books while living in both Benton and Washington counties. If you live in either of these counties or in McDonald or Madison counties, you can contact Karen Bryant with the United Way of Northwest Arkansas with any questions you have about the program. Her email address is kbryant@unitedwaynwa.org. If you are passionate about childhood literacy and would like to help, please consider donating to Imagination Library. A donation of just $25 is all it takes to sponsor a child, and they will receive a book every month.

Some of the Imagination Library books we've collected so far. 

Other ways of getting involved and improving literacy in our community include:

• Volunteering with the Ozark Literacy Council. You can tutor, be an ESL conversation partner, stuff envelopes or help with event planning.
• Donate to a Little Free Library. Right now, if you buy the Little Free Library book for $25, you will get $150 worth of brand new books! 
• Volunteer at your local library. For someone that loves reading, this won't even feel like work!
• Read to a child. Yep, it's really as simple as that.

Before you go implement these ideas in your community, tell me, what was your favorite childhood book?

Chicken Salad with a Kick

Not too long ago I read a story about a woman who stabbed her boyfriend after he ate all of their salsa. I'm just going to say, while I don't condone her violent actions, I could definitely feel some empathy for the woman. My love for salsa started as a toddler living in Texas. I'm told that I would eat chip after salsa-dipped chip regardless of the tears streaming down my face. That is commitment. To this day, I am still committed to my obsession for love of salsa. While he has no fears of getting stabbed, my husband picks up bean chips and salsa at the market like another man might get roses and chocolate for his wife. He knows me all too well. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I can go through 2 jars of salsa a week. I don't have a problem, I swear!  

Recently, I had the opportunity to visit P. Allen Smith's Moss Mountain Farm for their reprise of Farm2Home, an event bringing together Arkansas farmers and makers with bloggers from the state. As part of the schedule of events, we (the bloggers) were let loose to sample from Arkansas Grown and Arkansas Made products at a pop-up Farmer's Market right there on the farm. Among the many people I met and sampled from was Dennis Pratt. By the time I made it to his booth I was almost too full from all of the sriracha rolls, chocolate goat cheese, and gluten-free brownies I had tasted, but Mr. Pratt had salsa! There is always room for salsa.

Over the crunching of the chip and my mouthful of Pratt Family Salsa (I went for the medium), I learned from Dennis that the deliciousness I was partaking of came from a spice mix that can be added to fresh (or canned) tomatoes.

Because fans of Pratt Family Salsa enjoy using the spice mix in other recipes, Dennis said they are about to launch their first recipe contest. Check their website for an announcement regarding how to submit your own recipe.

Once I returned home with my own package of the Mabelvale, AR made blend of spices, I could not stop thinking about that recipe contest. Also on my mind was the chicken salad that was served for our lunch at Moss Mountain Farm. Naturally, I immediately went to work on a recipe for a chicken salad that would incorporate the spice mix. 

I started with 6 tablespoons of traditional plain Greek Yogurt (none of that reduced fat stuff!), plus 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise.  My family and I love the tang of mustard so I also added a teaspoon of Dijon mustard. The recipe would be fine without the mustard if you prefer to leave it out. After rummaging through the fridge, I decided to add about 2 tablespoons of sliced green onions, 2 teaspoons of fresh lime juice, and a tablespoon of coarsely chopped cilantro. I didn't have any celery, so to add some crunch to the salad, I incorporated a mixture of fine chopped and coarsely chopped toasted almonds, about 2 tablespoons.

Next, I added 2 teaspoons of the Pratt Family Salsa spice mixture.

Because the spice mix already has salt in it, I did not add any extra, however, I did add a bit of freshly ground black pepper. Once that was all mixed together, I added my chicken. Now, normally I would use poached chicken made ahead of time. In fact, I still recommend it for this recipe. I think 2 chicken breasts would be enough. However, my husband talked me into buying organic chicken breast in a can on our last Sam's Club trip. I initially said it was up to him to eat it, but in my excitement to make (and eat) this chicken salad, I grabbed it and threw it in. Honestly, I could not even tell once it was mixed into all of the other yummy ingredients.

Throwing things together like this is completely out of my comfort zone--I thrive within the confines of a recipe--so I was so thrilled that I was not only able to make even such a simple dish without a cookbook or Pinterest, but also that the result was fan-freakin-tastic! My own family loved it as well and I cannot wait to make it for friends and family at our next gathering.

Any other recipe ideas for this dry salsa mix?

The recipe contest is slated to start July 1. According to Dennis, "We are looking for great dishes that have utilized our spices. They don't have to be a gourmet dish, sometimes the simpler dish is just as good. We will not reject any recipe as long as it is made with our spices. At this time, we plan to pick the best 2 recipes per month to award a large bag of our salsa spices.  We will then post [the recipes] on our website with the name of person who sent it in."

I hope my Chicken Salad with a Kick is worthy of a bag of salsa spices!

Recipe:


12.5 oz can organic chicken breast (or 2 chicken breasts, poached)
6 Tbsp plain Greek yogurt
1 Tbsp mayonnaise
1 tsp Dijon mustard (optional)
2 tsp fresh lime juice
2 Tbsp green onions, sliced
1 Tbsp cilantro, roughly chopped
2 Tbsp toasted almonds, chopped
2 tsp Pratt Family Salsa spices
Ground pepper, to taste

Combine Greek yogurt, mayonnaise, mustard, lime juice, green onions, cilantro, almonds, salsa spices and pepper. Stir in chicken. Serve.

Lost & Found

I thought about it from time to time, recalling only that I had been dwelling in a Psalm before I received THE call. Through so many moves, I imagined that it was gone forever, or buried so deep that it may as well be. My journal, that is. The journal that I was doodling it just before I received a call saying that my cancer was gone. 

Days after my surgery I could not get up and dance after receiving the good news, but I rejoiced from my perch on my bed. Oh, did I rejoice. That Psalm--the one I didn’t even finish committing to paper before the phone rang--says, “All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.” That would be Psalm 25:10. I wrote it down that day because I had such an overwhelming peace in my soul when I came upon it. A peace that carried me through surgery to remove an 8 lb tumor on my right ovary, a peace that told me, “This thing that’s happening here, it’s really going to be okay. I am with you.” I knew. Before the call, I knew. I knew that this call would come and they would say, “No more cancer. It’s all gone.” And now, 12 years later, I found the journal. I was looking through a box of books in preparation for a garage sale, and there it was. The myth was made real. I didn’t imagine its existence. So I’m sharing it with you all, and I’m doing that dance that I didn’t get to do 12 years ago.

Natural Birth in the Natural State

"I remember the day you appeared on this earth 

With eyes like the ocean, got blood on my shirt

From my camera angle it looked like it hurt

But your mama had a big ol' smile."

-Conor Oberst

My iTunes playlist shuffles to "You are Your Mother's Child" by Conor Oberst and I'm instantly transported to July 4, 2013, a divine turning point in my life--the day I became a mother. I know many say that your maternal instincts kick in as soon as you see the two lines appear on the pee stick, but that wasn't the case for me. I had to get used to the idea. After all, 10 years before this day in history I had been told that I may never be able to have a child of my own. I felt more at peace when I was told, "It's cancer" than I did when my surgeon sat me down to say that my option to have children may be taken away before I even had the chance to try. However, after 6 years of marriage, I had finally gotten used to the idea of not having children of my own. I had made peace with it and even planned for the future based on this assumption. So, while a part of me felt triumphant to find that my one, lonely ovary could rally the troops, the other part took a long (loooong) while to reconcile with the fact that this was real life.

Since I had not been planning for this moment or even trying for a baby, I was at a complete loss as to what to do next. I set out for the bookstore and selected a book touted as "the most comprehensive and authoritative guide for expectant parents." That should do it. Standing in the bookstore while trying to conceal that I was carrying a baby "about the size of a small blueberry," I had no idea that Sheila Kitzinger's, "The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth" would inspire me to proceed down a path that would lead to a natural birth, unaided by medical interventions or medication.

As I was searching out options that would help me realize my desire to have a natural birth, I discovered the Birth Center of Northwest Arkansas. In my excitement to find a place centered on relaxed, non-medicated birth in a home-like setting, I contacted the Birth Center to see if that was an option for me. The staff was extremely helpful and encouraging, I really wanted to make it work. There was one major flaw to this plan--I lived in Central Arkansas at the time and planned to continue working throughout my pregnancy. Could you really blame me for wanting to have a baby in a cozy and luxurious birth room like this?

I had the opportunity to tour the Birth Center this past Monday, and let me tell you, I was really impressed. From the moment you walk in the door, you feel welcomed and at home in this bright, clean care center.

The retail alcove is appointed with the hard-to-find items for mom and baby like Baltic amber teething necklaces, breastfeeding supplies, and herbal supplements, some of which are made right here in Northwest Arkansas.

The waiting area includes a cheerful sitting room where families can relax while they wait for baby to arrive. It extends outdoors to the picnic area overlooking a serene lake setting.

According to Kitzinger, "Going to bed in the first stage of labor and becoming more or less immobile is not a good idea. It can slow labor or interfere with its starting effectively...When you are upright and moving around, gravity helps you." You can do this at home or in the halls of the hospital, but I don't think a woman could ask for a better place to stay active and moving during early labor than this lovely trail around the lake, just steps away from the birthing rooms.

While all of these accoutrements make the Birth Center resemble a grand spa vacation, make no mistake, the certified nurse midwives provide excellent clinical care, and the facility is fully equipped not only for your comfort, but for your safety and that of your baby. Kitzinger addresses why a birth center is well worth your consideration, "A study of the experiences of 12,000 women who gave birth in 84 birth centers in the U.S. revealed that they had far fewer obstetric interventions of all kinds than women in a hospital, while birth was equally safe."

Whereas many women cannot say the same, I was extremely lucky to have the birth that I envisioned in the hospital setting. Would I have preferred to have a birth center experience instead? Absolutely. The Birth Center is the answer for the woman who is seeking a low-intervention birth in a relaxed atmosphere with care provided by midwives that you get to know and who get to know you and your family. In the rare occurrence that a transfer to the hospital is necessary, it's comforting to know that their partner, Mercy Hospital of Rogers, is a mere 1.5 miles from the center.

It may surprise you to know that in addition to providing top-notch prenatal, labor and delivery and postnatal care that includes home visits, the midwives also offer annual exams. Knowing that their comprehensive well woman exams include cancer screenings, pap smears and contraceptive management, I'm ready to trade in the hospital gown for one of their plush robes.

As I was touring the Birth Center of Northwest Arkansas and hearing the stories of the 200+ babies born there (even one whose parents came from Little Rock!), I couldn't help but feel the tiniest twinge of regret that I did not have that birth experience. If you are looking for prenatal care or it's time for your yearly exam, you should check them out!

Jenn's Woodland Baby Shower

Have you noticed the increasingly clever and cute ways parents-to-be are announcing that a little bundle is on the way? Search "pregnancy announcement" on Pinterest and you'll find photos of tiny shoes tucked in between two larger pairs of shoes with text reading, "Our family is growing by two feet," among other examples ranging from cute to stomach-turning (the latter usually feature a toilet in some way). There are a myriad of ways to announce, and it seems like parents are in some unspoken competition to come up with something more unique than anyone else before them. My husband and I announced ours here on the blog. So, imagine my surprise when I received a text message last fall from my little brother, Marcus, asking me to throw a baby shower for his wife Jenn. Without missing a beat I replied, "Of course, I'd love to." Then I thought for a minute and followed up with, "Wait, is this your way of telling me she's pregnant?!"

I'm so happy for Marcus and Jenn, and couldn't wait to start planning the shower. After tossing around some other theme ideas, I decided that there was no better way to welcome "Baby Woods" than with a forest theme. I had so much fun planning this shower; it brought out my inner party planner and inspired me to get crafty. My grandmother agreed to let us have the party at her house in Mountain Home, a location that would be convenient for family and friends of the parents-to-be.

The owl cheeseball was a hit with all of the guests. It was almost too cute to eat!

I made the bunting from paper bags (thanks, Ozark Natural Foods!), scrapbook paper and twine.

Everyone who came went home with a bag of "birch sticks," aka, chocolate-covered pretzel rods.

The adorable deer and fox graphics I used on my signs are from the talented Hannah at We Lived Happily Ever After. They are free to download, just click here.

The guest of honor with a couple of baby Grayson's cousins!

It was an honor to put this party together for Jenn and I can't wait to meet baby Grayson soon!